The Hardest Lesson Learned

The most difficult informal lesson I learned was one I learned because of my mother. I was born to teenage parents. They married young and then divorced after a short time. I was only three years old when my father and I moved into my grandparent’s home away from the city and away from my mother. My father felt that I would not benefit from a life in the Bronx at that time; he saw the community changing and did not like the changes he saw. I did not spend a lot of time with my mother, only every other weekend. My memories of these visits are mostly of spending time with my grandmother. Unfortunately my mother was more interested in drinking and doing drugs during my childhood. I spent times with my grandmother while my mother was in the hospital or simply in bed because she had either drank too much or too many drugs. When I was very young I did not know this is what my mother was doing. I just thought she was sick, which she was, but not how I thought at the time. When I was about 8 years old is when I have some more specific memories of my time with her. I remember her taking me to buy drugs and I watched her use those drugs. I also remember her drinking so heavily one day that she did not know where we were. At the time I was 12 and I was able to call my aunt who we were supposed to be visiting and tell her where we were. That was another weekend my mother spent in the hospital. Not only did I learn to never use drugs I also learned to cherish my children. What my mother exposed me to is nothing I ever want my children to be exposed to. While it is not an easy discussion to have with young children, they know a little about drugs and how bad they are. I have not shared mine and my mother’s experiences with my children yet. I do still feel they are too young to grasp what I saw. I also learned that my mother was very strong. When I turned 16 she stopped drinking and doing drugs. She finally took it seriously and never turned back. Unfortunately as I grew up, got married and had children my relationship with my mother faded. She does not know my children which makes me sad at times. However, she still has a lot of growing up to do, even after almost 20 years of being sober. For this reason I have decided that it is better to keep my children away from her… at least for now.